i have a two questions
i was just thinking about this when i saw carmen's friend and the response our church give to new comers.
Are Christians 'fake', 'over-friendly' or even.. 'scary'?
cause sometimes i think we are too friendly for our own good and we make new comers uncomfortable. i know we want them to feel like home but is there any other way?
Are Christians 'fake', 'over-friendly' or even.. 'scary'?
cause sometimes i think we are too friendly for our own good and we make new comers uncomfortable. i know we want them to feel like home but is there any other way?
posted by shwn at 3:48 AM
26 Comments:
haha yeah i agree. maybe we could make extra efforts to include them into our group conversations. instead of just asking them like wads their school, cca..blah blah..cuz it'll get quite boring after awhile, like nothing else to talk about. haha.
usually i just smile.
if we play games at the playground, i'll slowly warm up to them and start chatting.
just running over and screaming hellohellohello when you first meet is just scary la.
How abt an actual conversation? Some who are quite reserved might feel quite uncomfortable when asked a lot of questions at one time. Slowly talk, find out what he/she likes and get members for similar interests to interact with them. Another thing, don't jump into conclusions. Should they mention a particular 'queer' interest, don't really voice your opinion on it being weird. They may feel offended. Let them feel comfortable around us. Not everyone is an outgoing person.
who are you?
hhaaha!
anyway, u made a great point there luncheon!
im tired...
shall post my response tml or smth!
nites!
I thought you would have figured. Anyways, I am Jaren. D7
JAREEN!! my faithful net member who always never fails to turn up for net and be a encourager! :)
eggimo! michelle! germaine! ARE YOU LOOKING AT THIS POST?!
finally! someone who finally feels the same as me! haha. hi-five shawn! i've been thinking abt it for some time now.. haha.
To nick tan, michelle and germaine: rmb wht i told you the other time?? at the bishan library? about... yah. RMB??! see! i was not being over sensitive! it's true! over friendly-ness is freakily werid! i think it's scary. haha.
but the thing is im not being over friendly!
at last i dont think that i am!
i just go talk to them like how i talk to any other person and not "Okay, i see a new guy... Time to smile and talk to him and force some topics out of him... ooh welll...."
and when i really have nth to say i would just mix around somewhere else.
Making them feel at home is not only our job but theirs as well.
If they dont wish to feel at home or they just feel uncomfortable around us, no matter how hard we try, it wont work.
We are not Cameleons, we cant change our colours to blend in with every wall around us.
Wall = People btw.
so ya, my reply to reen and shawn.
least*
haha ya..sometimes they just choose to be really quiet..which makes it very hard for us to strike conversations (like it'll be a one way conversation thing). but then again we cant expect them to all of a sudden feel comfortable with us. i guess it takes time..a big bunch of crazy youths can be quite intimidating
I guess we have to be more natural. We are freaky because the way we are being friendly is quite unnatural. Be friendly to him/her the way you would be friendly with someone you met the first day of school, for example.
1 word: instinct
thats the problem eggimo.. when u have nth to say den ur just leave them there alone(most of the time) and they will find us ppl who onli talk to them for a short while den when we slowly loose intrest in them we just walk away
melissa
then we have to work as a group!
it means that person is all my responsibility that i have to stick to him no matter wat even tho i do not have anything else to talk to him about?
wont i be smth like a wooden awkward handsome statue sitting beside him?
We have to approach that person as a group so we have more stuff to say
or
When i have nth to say and i left to join some other group to play hop scorch, someone else take over me and make friend with that person.
and let the cycle go on and on!
that way he can get to know almost everyone and not run out of stuff to say unless everyone just asks the same thing ETC: "so wat school u from?"
and btw, we dont looooose interest, its better to leave than just sitting there and force conversations out. Now that is faking.
i guess just be natural la. i mean the other guy is not dumb, he can sense if u are really friendly or just christianly obligated to be friendly.
again: instinct. in other words be natural la!
i understand how it feels!! i'ma noob around here!! >.< hah, i still rmb ppl screaming my name across the bus when i was still very fresh here :D i like screamin, so i'm fine!^^
but i think as much as we can have conversations n stuffs, it also depend alot on the person's effort to mix, i mean, if the guy just wana go emo somewhere wat can we do? if the person keep giving one word answers, then how to talk? :S
wat i feel is tat we be natural yet not forgettin the person while we are mixing around. Come to think of it, does it mean tat we can talk well with the person means he will stay? if we do everything in the book of making frens right, will they return? i dono the answer, just asking for ur views ^_^
i kinda agree with mathieu. its alot to do with instincts. just do as you deem fit la. haha. i think we should all try, whether the newcomer warms up to us or not is another matter,at least we tried right?
Another thing. New members may not be comfortable with a large group of strangers. One of the best ways is through net groups. A smaller group will allow the person to be more comfortable. Then slowly the person will open up. Well, at least that is what my experience is =)
i think being natural and opn is a good thing...ppl can be wild and stuff... but being urself and natural is always a good way to let the oher person feel welcome..
but also, toning down is good so that he wun feel intimidated. otherwise shldnt be too hard, unless the other person just don wanna speak 2 u...
haha.
I THINK THIS FORUM IS FREAKING COOL.
it warms my heart to see all of us coming together and giving constructive suggestions! :D
so i think i shall give a comment too..
i feel that what really matters are the little actions and smses.. as in, so what if they feel welcomed on sat? will anyone notice when they're not there? i think little smses during the week makes them feel remembered and then they'll naturally feel accepted and loved. and tah dah! a job well done! they'll be back! but then again, no use making them feel rmbed during the week but neglect them on sat.. so we should OPEN our eyes WIDE, look out for the lonely quiet pple, get out of our cliques if not pull them in, and just make them feel like a part of qi ge ba ge family! (:
okay so the answer is just be natural. so my answer is correct. thank you give me my 1 point.
pfft. i didn't know forums had 'right' answers.
Mathieu: That was my point. ^earlier post
who is spam luncheon?
Woah! Hardly hear Jaren...so encouraged to see you really airing your points dude! Do let us know if u'd like to contribute more to the consolidation team...maybe by joining weekly?
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