just for laughs...

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.


Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?


Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.



Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a
lifeguard?


Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in
my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a
fortune teller.


Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?


Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Indian
Railway.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to
ask if I can take this train to New Delhi .
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too
heavy.


Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school
again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was
playing football and the game went into extra time.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial
there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his
table and shouted, "Order, order." The drunkard immediately responded,
"Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."


Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will
it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai...


An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the
psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.


Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.


1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump
out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.


Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.


Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is
grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.


Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu
card.